You Must Be Feeling . . .

As the end of my maternity leave approaches (two weeks away!), I am frequently told by others how I must be feeling. This isn’t in any way an attempt to control me or put me in a box, I realize. It just happens so often that I thought I’d really examine for myself how I feel and stop letting others make the declaration for me.

You must be feeling so distraught at the thought of going back to work and leaving your kids! Um, sort of. The truth is, I like my job. I like the majority of the people and students with whom I work. I love being part-time and getting to come home early. I think I’m a more interesting person because I get to participate in a professional community. And no, I don’t think my kids suffer because I’m not home with them. I’m not having someone else raise my children; I’m giving my children an opportunity to be loved my more people. Mitchell absolutely adores going to Lorry’s house. He has friends, he gets to play with different books and toys, and he is loved by an entire family he wouldn’t know otherwise. Our daycare is the top reason that I can enjoy being at work because I know how happy Mitch is when he’s there. In time, Shannon will be, too.

It’s hard for me not to feel like I must defend my choice to work while we have little kids. I’m not interested in any debate about the merits or shortfalls of being a working/stay-at-home mom. The reality is that it’s a choice each family must make. I’m happy with the route we’ve chosen. Yes, I could be a stay-at-home mom, but I think I’m better at not being one.

You must be feeling so ready to get back into the classroom! Honestly, no one has said this to me exactly, but it is the other side of the coin. I am ready to work with my students again and return to a recognizable daily routine. Thankfully, Shannon is a pretty good sleeper and I’ll return to work more rested and less on edge than I did post-Mitchell. I will miss my time at home, though. While on leave, Mitch continued to go to daycare about two days a week. This allowed him to maintain his relationships and some semblance of normalcy while giving me time to adjust to Shannon and spend some one-on-one time with her. I like the freedom that staying home has given me; love being more relaxed and not having to accomplish a laundry list of tasks each day. I enjoy having slow mornings where we get to play in our pajamas until lunch time and aren’t trying to get out the door before 7am. I like nap time. It’s fun to spend the day with the kids and then welcome home their dad after work.

I’ll miss their smiles, the cuddling, and the little games and quirky things Mitchell says. However, I’m not saying good-bye to all of this; I’m just going to have a smaller dose. Picking Mitch up after work is always one of my favorite parts of the day. He’s just getting up from his nap so his hair is disheveled, his cheeks are pink, and he wants to snuggle. Then he warms up, tells me about his morning, and makes his requests for the afternoon: “I get milkshake. We go to park?” We will get to share afternoons again, and yes I’ll be tired from my morning of teaching, but spending the second part of my day with my kids means I’ll be more focused on them and more appreciative of our time together.

So, how am I feeling as I return to work? It’s complicated. As with all changes, there is apprehension and a slight feeling of loss – I’ll never have this time again. However, I am confident that we will all adjust well and the next phase will bring good things for our family. Besides, June isn’t that far away and then we’ll have days stretching out before us!